There is a kind of waiting that only cancer people understand. It is the stretch of days before a scan, or before the appointment where you get the results. People call it scanxiety, and the name fits.
From the outside, nothing is happening. You are going to work and answering texts like everything is normal. On the inside, your whole body is bracing. Every little twinge feels like evidence. Every quiet moment gets loud.
Nobody prepares you for this part. The scan takes a few minutes. The waiting takes over your whole week.
I have learned you cannot logic your way out of it. Telling yourself to stay calm just stacks guilt on top of the fear. What helps me more is naming it. Saying out loud, this is scan week, I am not going to be at my best, and that is allowed.
A few things that help me and other warriors I know. Keep that week a little lighter if you can. Tell one person what is coming so you are not carrying it alone. Plan something small for after the appointment, good news or not.
If you are in your scan week right now, I see you. You are getting through it even when it does not feel like you are. We got this friend! <3
Chelle